C-2

I know no one is going to see this but I was in a toxic relationship... And in all honesty I don't know how to pick myself back up. It is hard when everyone around says he was no good or that I cold do better because a part of me didn't want to "do better" I wanted to stay with him and love him forever but I guess that wasn't the plan... I don't think he thought to either... I do miss him and I do love him, but I don't miss are the bruises and cut from when I "tripped" He was a good guy but at the same time I felt trapped and lost because how can someone who loves me hurt me physically, mentally and emotionally? At the I wasn't such an angle either, this relationship made me into the worst person and I hated myself for it. All I know is that he is gone and I am lost.

I'm sorry, that my eyes always follow you and where you always walk Or stare at the places that you always left Maybe it's looking for a chance for you to turn back Because my eyes are blinded by the things that I lack And that's you You are the thing that I'm missing And seeing you with another kissing Aches my heart as I close my eyes To forget the truth that I wish could be lies I wish I didn't see and I wish my eyes didn't always follow you and where you always walk

Dear My Ugly Little Troll, So I guess this is Goodbye... It has been a long time since you left and I know it's stupid to keep writing to you, but I want to say that you were my first love and I will never forget about you. The memories that we made will never fade away... Your kisses and huggies will always remain on my skin forever. I know we couldn't go on to the 8th, 9th and 10th months (I was too tired to say 11th and 12th). Maybe because we were too young, or because we just weren't meant to be. Even though you are happier with someone else, I will always love you. It hurts, I know, but I'm happy to see you finally happy... Though I wish it was with me... Love, Your Chicken Bagel Butt

Sometimes, I don't even know myself anymore And I get lost in a world what keeps moving without any remorse... Sometimes, I would just want it to stop, so I can reminice of the past Where everything was "okay" and where you there to stay

Let it be known, that no matter how many times I say I don't hate you, I'm hurt... You left me knowing everything I have been though... To be honest I have no clue why. If you thought it was fun to watch me fall as you stood tall on your throne, that's just sick... I hope one day someone will treat you the same way you treated me and you will feel how I felt.

We were like the story of Romeo and Juliet Remembering the day that we first met All the smiles and laughs, Are all nothing now but the past But no matter what I will love you Even though that's not what I am supposed to do I will cherish the love that you have given me And remember the way that we use to be But as time tore us apart I knew that this would have to be a new start To live without the love and to hope for that one day The day that we meet and everything will be okay So don't fret my little one The day will come When we can be together And our "Nevers" will become "Forevers"

No matter how hard I try to hate you, I can't because you know I will always love you. I will treasure the memories that you gave me and all the smiles and laughs we had. I know life won't be the same without you, but I also know that if we were meant to be together then we will. I hope one day we can meet again in good terms and see how much we have grown from each other. I wish you all the best and I love you.

I'm truly happy that I met you... It just seems like you don't truly know what you want. I'm here chasing after an invisible dream, while you are there just idly watching me try so hard for something I don't even know that will come true. So yes, I don't know if I want to continue trying, but all I know is that I love you... It just seems like your feelings aren't as strong as mine... But once you do decide... Don't expect me to be there waiting for you if it is already too late...

I'm tired of all the lies getting stabbed in the back one thousand times would be better than being lied to to figure out that in the end it meant nothing to you. How am I supposed to respond to that? Was I just some entertaining game you needed to spare time? Why? My wounds can heal but the scars will never disappear...

I knew my first time wouldn't be FANTASTIC! but I didn't know it would be full of regret. to be left by the one whom you thought was the one to give him everything and receive nothing but sorrow in return you would think I would have learned by now but I haven't I can never forget the way he caressed my cheek and the way he kissed me softly... but I can't help but remember that, that was all he ever wanted he wanted the flower to bloom within me just to leave it wilting alone and every time I see him I freeze because I don't know what to say to him because I know deep inside I still love him

It was physically and mentally painful... as you plucked the petals right off of my stem I tried to hear the words that I yearned for but all I got was a cold and lustful stare into my own eyes as I said the words only to hear nothing

Though you are gone The kiss marks were still there But as the kiss marks fade I start to realize that you are fading too The love that was once there Is gone now And I can no longer reach for you anymore No more kissed No more hugs No more you and me No more us...

Okay. Well I guess we are just friends. I'm probably not going to move on for a while but I will try.  You will always be in my heart, no matter what.  I will always love you.  Because you are my first love.  And my first everything. I love you.  Goodbye. 

I just want to be with you. Is that so bad? Why don't I get a say in anything. Why do you have to decided it. I'm just here like dead meat..

He has decided. To not put me in his life. And that's final. I thought I still had a chance because he still loves me but I guess not. He tells me to move on, but I don't want to and I don't want to go though the same thing again. I don't even want to speak to anyone anymore, he is my world and now that he is gone. Does that mean my world is gone? 

Five months  With five words  S o much memories  All ending  So much love   All fading Right now I'm totally numb  I feel nothing

Hi.... Today a few minutes ago.. You said "I don't love you anymore" that crushed me inside. For some reason I keep telling myself you're lying but I don't know anymore... I didn't know you could hurt me so much with five simple words. Was five months nothing to you? Was it all a joke? W as I nothing to you? 

Why is everyone telling me not to be friends with him... People say it's not healthy for me, and I think I know that. But they don't know him like I do and they don't know me. They  don't understand that we only want each other, and he's the only one I need. People tell me to put myself out there, but I don't want to. I have hope that in the end we will end up together, but everybody's bringing me down. They say that once he starts dating somebody i'll feel worse than I feel now, but I don't think it can get worse than this. I just want to be loved by him.

The worst thing that could happen, is if you've cried so much that there's no more tears coming out. You can't cry anymore, even if you tried. You try to let it out but something stopping you, and you don't know what to do anymore....

Today I spent my whole day with my best friend! I love her, she is the only one who I tell everything to. We went to get ice cream, then go to the park and guess who I saw... I saw him for the first time since what happened. I don't know what to do, I thought. I didn't know what to tell him. I tried to seem the happiest that I could but maybe that wasn't good enough. He gave me a hug, I don't know if it was the last hug that I'll ever get but it was the first hug that made my heart break into 1 million pieces... The feeling of his touch lingers on me now. I felt the warmth all over my body and I knew I probably did something wrong. I don't know if it was a mistake or if it wasn't. Today I took all of the pictures that we took and put it into a collage. I play it back all the time thinking that it's just a dream and that I'll wake up the next day being with him and being happy, but I know that won't happen because he's gone .